Change of mood

I feel so down today. I really have to get the cleaning done but I just feel like crying. I think not having a job is really getting to me. I’m sick to death of being in this place all the time. I don’t have the money to go out with friends or anything so I’m stuck cleaning the house and trying to find ways to amuse myself while Sean goes to work or sees friends. I have been applying for jobs like mad but I am not getting responses. Any phone calls I do get are from job agencies who happened to see my CV online and they just want me to register with them. I have registered with a few agencies which hasn’t really helped. I never hear from them again. One even promised to schedule me an interview for a very promising vacancy, however I never heard from them again despite calling and e-mailing them about it. I’m starting to believe employment agencies are useless.

I have been trying to get freelance web design work, too. I did have a few people interested but again, I haven’t heard from them despite trying to get in contact. I am doing everything I can to get employed again, that is all I can do. We could do with some extra money. If push comes to shove, I will have to sell some of my stuff, even though I don’t have much. I am literally applying for any job that comes up, whether it is cleaning, retail, office work, etc. I am not ashamed to go for any job, I don’t feel any job is “beneath” me, unlike some people.

I’m guessing I will get some stupid wise arse remark from the likes of a certain individual of how he is Master of the Universe and that I am a “failure” because I am not some l33t “IT Consultant” like he is (I know this is a lie), via a proxy as per usual. He also accused me of being a “leech on society” because he falsely assumed I was dossing on benefits. For the record: yes we are getting some help with our rent and council tax, until I am in work. It is something we are entitled to and we’re not ashamed to ask for some help from the government since we pay our taxes and know it won’t be a permanent thing. Sean works and I am actively looking for work so it’s not like we’re layabouts working the system. I am literally being supported by my husband right now, who is doing a wonderful job. I can’t thank him enough. Keep your stupid and ignorant remarks to yourself, Mr “IT Consultant”. You may think you’re more successful than me in the career front, but I feel pretty successful in other ways. One successful thing was ditching you, the best decision I have ever made in my life. The most successful thing being I met a wonderful man and I am now his wife, which is an honour.

I do not enjoy being unemployed, I hate it. I hate not having my own independence, I hate not being able to go out as often, I hate wasting away in our home not putting my talents to full use. I am able to contribute to my home and my country and it frustrates me that I cannot do this right now. I am a grafter, I always have to be doing something to be stimulated.

I am very sorry to my readers who are nice people and do respect that I am doing my best in this bad situation. I just needed to vent, I haven’t for a while. I have built up anger and upset that I need to release. I think I ought to do that baking I was going to do yesterday later, maybe it will cheer me up. I haven’t had a bad mood like this in ages, which is different for me since I used to have frequent outbursts. I think I best stop here.